Beat the Blues: take a step inside a good book

I've always loved reading; films and TV are not really my thing, I get bored and restless. But reading is different, you can travel off to a new land, off on someone else's story and get lost. 

Reading has been proven to lower stress levels and it only takes a mere six minutes for your stress levels to reduce. Furthermore, reading is said to have a more stress-reducing impact than listening to music or going for a walk. Dr Lewis, from the University of Sussex ,claims that: "[reading] is more than merely a distraction but an active engaging of the imagination as the words on the printed page stimulate your creativity and cause you to enter what is essentially an altered state of consciousness."

My reading fluctuates. Sometimes I read a lot and then there are months that pass and I have barely opened a book (of course I read a lot for work but I don't really count that!). My friend recently recommended The Hunger Games Trilogy , I can remember thinking 'nah, I don't really want to go along with the hype' but the next day I picked it up in the local bookshop and needless to say I was hooked. Completely. And I devoured all three books in under two weeks. 

Spending this time submerged in Katniss's world was a release, I didn't need to think about anything except what was going to happen when I opened the cover and stepped into her life. As Dr Lewis says, it's not about forgetting and distracting yourself, for me it's about giving yourself, and your mind, a break. 

Here are two more recent purchases. The Divergent Trilogy is also gripping and I would thoroughly recommended giving it a go...I have, as you can see, been spending quite a bit of time lingering in the Young Adult/Teenage Fiction section of the bookshop recently!

One of my favourite ways to unwind and cheer myself up is to treat myself to a frothy, creamy coffee and to settle down and read the newspaper. Research shows that it's not just reading books that reduces stress levels but reading anything will achieve the same effect.   

And here is a lovely quote that I thought I'd share with you. It's one of many that are painted on the walls of my local coffee shop, 'A room without books...is like a body without a soul.' 

I'd love to hear about you're favourite reads. 

Happy relaxing x

It takes two to make a baby

Maybe you're reading this while your husband dutifully swallows down his man-vitamins? Perhaps he is currently throwing out his boxers that are too tight (and therefore bound to reduce your chances of conceiving)? Or is he flicking through the pages of the latest Vita West journal and swotting up on the latest fertility advances?

Maybe he is not doing any of this. And maybe you feel like you are doing this on your own sometimes.

I used to wish that my DH* would be as enthusiastic as me; that he would be as concerned as me about whether my fiftieth ovulation stick of the day was positive or not; that he would scour the internet like I did, reading up on the best diets to help endometriosis and PCOS; that he would cry as much as I did when month after month my period arrived with gusto; that he would wake up thinking about babies and go to bed worrying about whether we'd done enough that month; that he would look at the calendar and count nine months forward and dream of the day that our baby would enter the world; that he would feel the pain of yet another pregnancy announcement at work and that he would quite simply share the same pain as me.

But I have come to realise that there are benefits to both types of husbands/partners.

On the one hand, there are the men who are involved every step of the way, who openly feel awful when another month passes and says things like 'I really want a baby' and 'maybe next month will be our lucky month' or 'of course I'll go for yet another Sperm Analysis test darling.' I miss this sometimes. I feel frustrated that my husband isn't like this.

However, on the other hand, you have men like my husband. Men who are laid-back. Men who adopt the 'what-will-be-will-be' attitude and men who quite frankly will do what you ask of them. Most of the time. Being with this type of man means that I haven't felt pressure from him and this is extremely helpful when I have all the pressure I need coming directly from myself.

But being with a quiet man, one who doesn't talk much about how they feel, can also have its problems.

It took my DH and I five years of a relationship, twenty months of TTC and two and a half years of marriage to learn how to communicate. And I mean properly communicate about important things like babies and the lack of babies and our future and infertility.

In hindsight the first 20 months of TTC were about me. I invested a lot of my time looking after myself, eating healthily, focusing on being mentally strong, going to yoga, starting Mindfulness, going to Acupuncture and the list goes on. While I don't regret any of this, one thing I do regret is taking for granted that my marriage would just pottle along at the same pace as before. I took it for granted that my DH was one the same page as me and that his quiet approach to TTC was just that. However, it wasn't.

We got some help and DH has learnt to tell me how he feels. He will never be one of those men whose face lights up whenever they pass the local Mothercare but he is a man who is honest.

And because of our honesty we are taking a break. After two years, we are taking a break from TTC to concentrate on life, to concentrate on our life together and to remember what we were before this all took over.

Of course, it's going to be hard, maybe more so for me, but I owe it to myself, to us and hopefully, to our future child, to ensure that we are in a strong place before we start trying again and before we start IVF.

If Mindfulness has taught me anything it is to try to appreciate the Now and to stop worrying about the future and events that haven't happened yet. If I am not careful more months will pass in a haze of TTC and I will have missed my life. I am looking forward to enjoying time with my DH, with my friends and family and with myself.

xx

*DH - Dear Husband

Beat the blues: Create your very own support network

Think about your TTC endeavour so far.

Who has helped you through the bad days? Who has shared the good days with you? Who has offered you help and advice when you most need it? Who do you turn to for specialist advice?

I was thinking about my long quest to become a mum and realised that a lot of people, both in real-life and in the virtual world, have helped me to cope with the last two years.

So here is my team:

 My friends and family
Having recently told my mum about our diagnosis and IVF, I have been overwhelmed by her reaction. She wasn't over-the-top emotional as I expected her to be; she was calm, proactive and supportive, I should never have doubted her. And I would urge you not to make assumptions about peoples' reactions! My dad continues to be his quiet self  but his hugs tells me he is there. And my sister who, only the other day, claimed she 'is not the nurturing type' waited on me hand and foot, snuggled with me under the duvet and made me laugh in the days after my Laparoscopy. My close friends are wonderful. One will be mentioned below and my other best friend, who is pregnant, is understanding and discrete. 

I suggest you try to surround yourself with friends who make you feel positive. Of course, there will be some who have no empathy at all and if like me, you have some friends who make insensitive comments, I recommend distancing yourself from them, even if it's just for a short time.
. 

The Medical Profession
So far my experience has mostly been a positive one. We are very lucky to have the NHS in this country. 

A  Nutritionist
I completely believe that 'we are what we eat.' I hate taking medication (although I know sometimes we have little choice) and I am convinced that holistic therapies can be as effective, or at least complimentary. When I had my first full bloods done over a year ago, they revealed that my Prolactin levels were very high. I sought out a Nutritionist who looked through my blood results and helped me to decipher them! She taught me how to eat a healthy vegetarian diet - although I must admit I don't always stick to it...but we have to have treats sometimes don't we? 

My best friend who has been through IVF many times
We've been friends since the age of 11. She is like my personal advice service. I can text or call her at anytime of the day. She truly knows what I am going through. 

                                  

A Counselor

At various times over the past two years I have sought out the guidance of a counselor. To have someone who I can say anything to has been invaluable. 

My amazing Yoga teacher 

Just walking into the incense-filled room calms me down.  Yoga teaches you to appreciate and concentrate on your body. You have no space to think about anything else but that. As well as this, discovering the practice of Mindfulness has completely changed the way that I approach life. Oh, and all this is free! 

My 'Virtual support network' 

I never thought that I would be someone to frequent forums or rely so much on the internet BUT I have learnt that there are many, many women/couples in the same situation as me. Often, they know the answers to silly questions that you feel embarrassed about asking and offer kind but realistic words when you most need them. Clinics quite often have their own forums or threads so it's worth searching to see if you can find one.  

 

My wonderful Acupuncturist
Who has twin boys after IVF treatment at the same clinic as me. I was petrified of needles when I started but she has not only helped me to relax but she has also worked with me to practically overcome my fear. The fact that I recently had a Canula in my hand for 11 hours and it didn't bother me is testament to the what she has done for me.

And, of course, my husband 

who is riding this wave with me. 

Here is one of my favourite photos from our wedding. 

I'd love to know who you have in your support network. The next time you're feeling isolated, down or alone think about those around you who are wishing you well and love and care for you. And if you don't feel that you have much support then perhaps you could start to build one using the suggestions above. 

Good luck everyone, 

xx