Beat the blues: Candle Meditation



The bath is one of the many places that I meditate. We all know that sometimes time runs away and meditation is often one of the first things to be relegated to a tomorrow. So, combining a bath and meditation feels like a good use of time.

 



When I can, I like to run myself a warm bath, not too hot as it sends my heart racing (which I am sure goes against the point of meditation!) and add some bubbles (Organic if possible) I then light my candles.

 

Here is my little collection and the big one has a lovely fresh linen smell.

 

 

 

Carefully, I plug in my earphones into my phone (I don't own an IPod/MP3) and lay back into the bubbles. Now, the candle meditation is perhaps the best bit. All you need to do is download the app onto your phone. The App is called 'Learn to Meditate' which can also be assessed and listened to via the internet. Of all the free meditation apps that I have downloaded this is my favourite. There are 10 different guided meditation sessions and the candle meditation is track 1.

 

 

 

The meditation lasts for about 10-15 minutes and focuses on a candle, which I tend to place in front of me on the edge of the bath. Using your breath you focus on the flame, breathing in its golden, white light and breathing out any darkness that you hold within. After a few minutes, you close your eyes, imagining the candle within your heart.

 

I find the image of the candle rather powerful as to me it represents strength and building my inner strength is something I am particularly focusing on as I prepare for my Laparoscopy and surgery to remove my fallopian tube in a few weeks time.

 

 

 

 

At the end of the meditation you are asked to contemplate the idea that there are candle flames within everyone and every living thing. And that the world is full of billions of little flames; that we are all connected.

 

 Meditation and Mindfulness has helped me to remain compassionate towards other people and although this is not always easy when life seems so unfair at times, the candle image reminds me that everyone, no matter who you are, has struggle in life and to be as kind and compassionate as I possibly can.

 

So, if you're feeling a bit low and rubbishy today, why don't you run that bath, light those candles and slip deep into the bubbles? And while the warm water soothes and cares for you body, you can care of your mind by watching your breath and focusing on the pure white flame that flickers in front of you.

 

 

Go on, treat yourself.

xx



Beat the blues: Walking

We all have those days when the we just can't seem to shake the cloud of worry, anxiety, sadness (insert appropriate rubbishy feeling here) that LTTTC* sometimes brings.

 

I pride myself on trying, and I reiterate trying, to do things that I know will make myself feel better. I know, in my most rational moments, that crying myself to sleep or wallowing in bed all day will not change anything and will probably leave me feeling worse in the long run.

 

Most days in term time I am confined to the four walls of my classroom. By the time I get home it is usually dark and days can got past before I have spent more than ten minutes outside. I am pretty certain that this can make things worse for me so last week I spent as many days as I could out walking and getting some much needed fresh air.

 

On Monday, I peered through the living room window and from indoors the sky looked ominous and didn't seem to hold much promise. I had lots of marking to get through but the prospect of sitting at my table ploughing endlessly through it made me feel angry and fed up. So, thinking about what would make me feel better and being kind to myself,  I doned my wellies, waterproof jacket and walking rucksack and set off through the puddles.

My walk took me across fields and onto a deserted country lane and I ended up at the quaint little pub in the next village. Of course, I had to treat myself to a pub lunch and a coffee and managed to mark far more papers than I would have had I stayed at home. By the time I emerged from the pub the sky had brightened and the sun had made a welcome appearance.

I don't think I can feel happier than when I am breathing in the fresh air, feeling the sun on my skin and taking in the spectacular views around me. As I walked I spotted, what I assume to be, a family of five deer in a field adjacent to the road. I stopped to watch them as they sat happily exposed in the middle of the land, their antlers proudly revealing their positions. And wow, what magnificent animals they are. They spotted me but did not move however I knew that at all times I was being watched in case I posed a threat. As I stood watching them a car past me and I felt sad that the occupants of the car had missed this occasion due to their hurry to be elsewhere. Someone once said to me that slow travel is the best way to travel and, in this case, I could not agree with them more. We miss so much as we rush through our lives and it is important to slow the pace and drink in the small wonders that occur everyday without us even noticing. This is something my mindfulness course is teaching me. Be mindful and live in the moment as much as you possibly can. It is amazing how much more appreciative I have become of the smallest, seeming insignificant, things.

 

 

 

Towards the end of my walk I spotted these delicate snowdrops, the first of the spring, growing in the churchyard across from our house. They can not fail to remind us of the optimism the springtime brings. They have grown and thrived despite the floods. Aren't they just beautiful?

So, if the gloom of Winter is getting you down or you are finding that tests, waiting, uncertainty of LTTTC is getting just too much, don't judge the day from the confines of your house. Get out there. Feel the chill on your skin. Wrap up warm. Breath in spring and marvel in the natural world around you. Be mindful of the moment. Remember to live in the Now.

xx

*LTTTC = Long Term Trying To Concieve

A poem: The Journey

 

This beautiful, and rather apt, poem was read to me this week and I thought I'd share it with you. I particularly love the thought that our own voice keeps us company as we stride 'deeper and deeper into the world.' 

The Journey

By Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice­

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen branches and stones. but little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do-­

determined to save

the only life you could save.

 

xx

 

 

Me and Mindfulness

Two weeks ago I started an eight week Mindfulness course. Mindfulness, as the quote suggests, is all about living for the here and now, and 'showing up' for your life rather than hankering after, or mourning the past or living your life in a future that hasn't even happened yet.

I can confidently say that much of my life for the last two years, at least, has been spent worrying about the future and my uncertain fertility issues and working so hard at work that my life just 'happened' and I didn't even notice it pass me by.

It wasn't until September 2013 that I took a step back and reassessed my working life. I was trying to do so much at work and take on so many different responsibilities, and all the time I said 'yes' the boss just kept piling on the work. I was trying to prove something to myself. I had told myself that as a 30-something successful female, I needed to work hard and do as much as I could in my career simply because I didn't have a family of my own. I felt that because I didn't have a family yet I had no right to work less or take time out from my career.

I watched countless amounts of female colleagues leave their jobs to have their families or cut their working hours and the resentment I felt towards them was eating me up. I hated that feeling. It took months of counselling to realise that the only person who could change anything was...ME. So, I finally wrote a letter to my boss, resigning from all my positions of responsibilities and I decided from that day that I would look after ME. I realised that my mental and physical health was important enough to be put first over the demands of my job, of any job in fact. Of course, it meant a pay cut and an adjustment in other areas of my life but it was certainly the best decision I have ever made.

So back to Mindfulness; I suppose my real interest in Mindfulness does stem from the day that I made the decision to put myself first. Furthermore, the heartache, uncertainty and stress of infertility led me also to realise that actually, in life, there will always be difficult situations to deal with and that I needed to develop better coping mechanisms.

I started to think that I could use my mind in a more positive way. I know that my mind has been used to create the most terrifying scenarios and has made me feel so rubbish, that surely these powerful, negative thoughts could, with training and practice, be turned into powerful positive thoughts?

With this is mind I started to meditate, downloading as many free apps as I could, and started to read about Mindfulness. Finally in January, after receiving news from the fertility clinic that IVF was the recommended route for us, I decided to fully learn about the practice of Mindfulness and invest in this eight-week course.

Every day we are expected to undertake a body scan meditation, which takes 40 minutes, as well as other smaller practices. I am also reading Mindfulness: a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world by Mark Williams and Danny Penman. Once I've finished I aim to write a review and also I am looking forward to sharing some of my experiences from the daily meditations.

But until then, keep mindful everyone and I hope you will consider the wonders of Mindfulness if you haven't already xx