Beat the Blues: take a step inside a good book

I've always loved reading; films and TV are not really my thing, I get bored and restless. But reading is different, you can travel off to a new land, off on someone else's story and get lost. 

Reading has been proven to lower stress levels and it only takes a mere six minutes for your stress levels to reduce. Furthermore, reading is said to have a more stress-reducing impact than listening to music or going for a walk. Dr Lewis, from the University of Sussex ,claims that: "[reading] is more than merely a distraction but an active engaging of the imagination as the words on the printed page stimulate your creativity and cause you to enter what is essentially an altered state of consciousness."

My reading fluctuates. Sometimes I read a lot and then there are months that pass and I have barely opened a book (of course I read a lot for work but I don't really count that!). My friend recently recommended The Hunger Games Trilogy , I can remember thinking 'nah, I don't really want to go along with the hype' but the next day I picked it up in the local bookshop and needless to say I was hooked. Completely. And I devoured all three books in under two weeks. 

Spending this time submerged in Katniss's world was a release, I didn't need to think about anything except what was going to happen when I opened the cover and stepped into her life. As Dr Lewis says, it's not about forgetting and distracting yourself, for me it's about giving yourself, and your mind, a break. 

Here are two more recent purchases. The Divergent Trilogy is also gripping and I would thoroughly recommended giving it a go...I have, as you can see, been spending quite a bit of time lingering in the Young Adult/Teenage Fiction section of the bookshop recently!

One of my favourite ways to unwind and cheer myself up is to treat myself to a frothy, creamy coffee and to settle down and read the newspaper. Research shows that it's not just reading books that reduces stress levels but reading anything will achieve the same effect.   

And here is a lovely quote that I thought I'd share with you. It's one of many that are painted on the walls of my local coffee shop, 'A room without books...is like a body without a soul.' 

I'd love to hear about you're favourite reads. 

Happy relaxing x

It takes two to make a baby

Maybe you're reading this while your husband dutifully swallows down his man-vitamins? Perhaps he is currently throwing out his boxers that are too tight (and therefore bound to reduce your chances of conceiving)? Or is he flicking through the pages of the latest Vita West journal and swotting up on the latest fertility advances?

Maybe he is not doing any of this. And maybe you feel like you are doing this on your own sometimes.

I used to wish that my DH* would be as enthusiastic as me; that he would be as concerned as me about whether my fiftieth ovulation stick of the day was positive or not; that he would scour the internet like I did, reading up on the best diets to help endometriosis and PCOS; that he would cry as much as I did when month after month my period arrived with gusto; that he would wake up thinking about babies and go to bed worrying about whether we'd done enough that month; that he would look at the calendar and count nine months forward and dream of the day that our baby would enter the world; that he would feel the pain of yet another pregnancy announcement at work and that he would quite simply share the same pain as me.

But I have come to realise that there are benefits to both types of husbands/partners.

On the one hand, there are the men who are involved every step of the way, who openly feel awful when another month passes and says things like 'I really want a baby' and 'maybe next month will be our lucky month' or 'of course I'll go for yet another Sperm Analysis test darling.' I miss this sometimes. I feel frustrated that my husband isn't like this.

However, on the other hand, you have men like my husband. Men who are laid-back. Men who adopt the 'what-will-be-will-be' attitude and men who quite frankly will do what you ask of them. Most of the time. Being with this type of man means that I haven't felt pressure from him and this is extremely helpful when I have all the pressure I need coming directly from myself.

But being with a quiet man, one who doesn't talk much about how they feel, can also have its problems.

It took my DH and I five years of a relationship, twenty months of TTC and two and a half years of marriage to learn how to communicate. And I mean properly communicate about important things like babies and the lack of babies and our future and infertility.

In hindsight the first 20 months of TTC were about me. I invested a lot of my time looking after myself, eating healthily, focusing on being mentally strong, going to yoga, starting Mindfulness, going to Acupuncture and the list goes on. While I don't regret any of this, one thing I do regret is taking for granted that my marriage would just pottle along at the same pace as before. I took it for granted that my DH was one the same page as me and that his quiet approach to TTC was just that. However, it wasn't.

We got some help and DH has learnt to tell me how he feels. He will never be one of those men whose face lights up whenever they pass the local Mothercare but he is a man who is honest.

And because of our honesty we are taking a break. After two years, we are taking a break from TTC to concentrate on life, to concentrate on our life together and to remember what we were before this all took over.

Of course, it's going to be hard, maybe more so for me, but I owe it to myself, to us and hopefully, to our future child, to ensure that we are in a strong place before we start trying again and before we start IVF.

If Mindfulness has taught me anything it is to try to appreciate the Now and to stop worrying about the future and events that haven't happened yet. If I am not careful more months will pass in a haze of TTC and I will have missed my life. I am looking forward to enjoying time with my DH, with my friends and family and with myself.

xx

*DH - Dear Husband

Beat the blues: Create your very own support network

Think about your TTC endeavour so far.

Who has helped you through the bad days? Who has shared the good days with you? Who has offered you help and advice when you most need it? Who do you turn to for specialist advice?

I was thinking about my long quest to become a mum and realised that a lot of people, both in real-life and in the virtual world, have helped me to cope with the last two years.

So here is my team:

 My friends and family
Having recently told my mum about our diagnosis and IVF, I have been overwhelmed by her reaction. She wasn't over-the-top emotional as I expected her to be; she was calm, proactive and supportive, I should never have doubted her. And I would urge you not to make assumptions about peoples' reactions! My dad continues to be his quiet self  but his hugs tells me he is there. And my sister who, only the other day, claimed she 'is not the nurturing type' waited on me hand and foot, snuggled with me under the duvet and made me laugh in the days after my Laparoscopy. My close friends are wonderful. One will be mentioned below and my other best friend, who is pregnant, is understanding and discrete. 

I suggest you try to surround yourself with friends who make you feel positive. Of course, there will be some who have no empathy at all and if like me, you have some friends who make insensitive comments, I recommend distancing yourself from them, even if it's just for a short time.
. 

The Medical Profession
So far my experience has mostly been a positive one. We are very lucky to have the NHS in this country. 

A  Nutritionist
I completely believe that 'we are what we eat.' I hate taking medication (although I know sometimes we have little choice) and I am convinced that holistic therapies can be as effective, or at least complimentary. When I had my first full bloods done over a year ago, they revealed that my Prolactin levels were very high. I sought out a Nutritionist who looked through my blood results and helped me to decipher them! She taught me how to eat a healthy vegetarian diet - although I must admit I don't always stick to it...but we have to have treats sometimes don't we? 

My best friend who has been through IVF many times
We've been friends since the age of 11. She is like my personal advice service. I can text or call her at anytime of the day. She truly knows what I am going through. 

                                  

A Counselor

At various times over the past two years I have sought out the guidance of a counselor. To have someone who I can say anything to has been invaluable. 

My amazing Yoga teacher 

Just walking into the incense-filled room calms me down.  Yoga teaches you to appreciate and concentrate on your body. You have no space to think about anything else but that. As well as this, discovering the practice of Mindfulness has completely changed the way that I approach life. Oh, and all this is free! 

My 'Virtual support network' 

I never thought that I would be someone to frequent forums or rely so much on the internet BUT I have learnt that there are many, many women/couples in the same situation as me. Often, they know the answers to silly questions that you feel embarrassed about asking and offer kind but realistic words when you most need them. Clinics quite often have their own forums or threads so it's worth searching to see if you can find one.  

 

My wonderful Acupuncturist
Who has twin boys after IVF treatment at the same clinic as me. I was petrified of needles when I started but she has not only helped me to relax but she has also worked with me to practically overcome my fear. The fact that I recently had a Canula in my hand for 11 hours and it didn't bother me is testament to the what she has done for me.

And, of course, my husband 

who is riding this wave with me. 

Here is one of my favourite photos from our wedding. 

I'd love to know who you have in your support network. The next time you're feeling isolated, down or alone think about those around you who are wishing you well and love and care for you. And if you don't feel that you have much support then perhaps you could start to build one using the suggestions above. 

Good luck everyone, 

xx

My Laparoscopy and tube removal: Post Op advice

Well, it is now Monday and a whole week since my Laparosocopy and tube removal and what the consultant called 'an MOT'  at Cheltenham General Hospital. And you will have worked out by now that I survived and IT WAS FINE! I know, I can't quite believe that I have just said that but it honestly was.

I wanted to share some advice now that I have actually had the procedure done as I know that online advice really helped me to feel prepared for the day.

Here is a breakdown of the timings of the day: 

6am:  woke up, had a sip of water with my morning meds as had to be nil-by-mouth from midnight
6am-7am: had a bath and washed my hair, listened to some of my favourite meditation tracks
7am: left for the hospital. Feeling positive.
7.45am: arrived at the hospital, feeling a bit nervous now
8am: booked into the ward and waited with four other ladies and their partners
8am-11am: taken to my bed, told that my op would be at 11.30am as third on the list so had ages to wait. Hubs stayed with me all day and we played games, read the paper and chatted. Feeling relaxed.
11am: asked for numbing cream, had this on the back of both hands. Would recommend even if you are not scared of needles as had the Cannula in for 11 hours! I would say I am very scared of needles and this didn't bother me at all. Also, give 2x paracetamol. Get changed into gown and DVT stockings.
11.30am: Wheeled on bed to the theatre. This was my first operation and didn't know what to expect. Went into the anaesthetic room. Lovely anaesthetist chatted to me while Cannula was put into my hand, mask over my mouth and WHOOSSH that was it!
12.30am: Woke up, operation all done and wheeled back to the ward where hubs was waiting. Felt fine, a bit woozy but no pain.
7.45pm: Leave the hospital. A bit delayed as I was a dehydrated and needed to wait to pee!
8.30pm: Arrive back home. Eat Tomato soup and toast and drink lots. Lay on sofa all night under duvet. Sister arrived to look after me as Hubs had to work next day.
11pm: Good night's sleep. Zzzzzzzzz


My additional recommendations: 

1, Take plenty of things to do; magazines, cards, music.
2. Take plenty of things for your partner/friend to do. They will be waiting for a long time.
3. Take a pillow for the drive home to help bumps in the road and seat belt.
4. Pack an overnight bag just in case
5. Take Peppermint Tea bags. Nurses were very impressed as this apparently helps!
6. Pack warm slippers and a dressing gown. Some other women didn't and had their bums on show!
7. Take some food. My only criticism would be that they didn't give us food. Make sure it's soft as your throat will be sore.
8. Drink plenty, and I mean plenty, after the op and they won't let you go home until you've had a wee.
9. Wear loose clothes and shoes. My feet swelled up and could hardly get my trainers on.
10. Take a hot water bottle or ask for a heat pack for the gas pain. It was a wonderful relief.
11. Try and get someone to be with you after the op for a couple of days. Walking around the house is a bit difficult so great if someone can wait on you!
12. Book at least a week off work if you can.
13. You may be uncomfortable sleeping so use a pillow to prop yourself and your legs up.
14. Codeine will probably be given to you as a painkiller. They make you constipated so drink lots.
15. I stopped painkillers after a week or so and plan to do a detox in a few weeks!
16. I have had light bleeding, like pinky water, since the op so have some light pads ready.

I really hope this helps anyone preparing for this procedure. Feel free to add comments
xx

Preparing for my Laparoscopy

The day draws nearer. And it has dawned on me that I have lead a lucky life up until now; I have had no previous trips to the hospital other than visiting people. However, a few years ago I visited my mum in hospital and while she was having an injection I passed out and had to be put on the bed in the next bay. So, my relationship with hospitals is minimal, and somewhat negative, to say the least.

Next Monday is the date for my Laparoscopy and tube removal and I have been preparing for this for months and I thought I'd share my slightly, some may think, over-the-top, preparation list.

I have divided my plan into pre-op, on the day and a packing list as you will see!

Preparation:

Write down a list of questions to ask the doctor at the pre-op appointment

Arrange numbing cream, can I wear contacts? Can I take rescue remedy and windease? Ask about pain relief after the op. Shoulder pain from gas, what can I do? How long will op last? Ask about GA injection. What about ovaries? How do I ovulate from the side with no tube!?

Order herbs for pre and post op

Research and download meditation tracks to listen to on the day

Check out Paul Mckenna’s Confidence Hypnotherapy tracks

Research and download music to listen to on the day

Transfer music tracks onto Ipod/MP3

Get books ready

Get DVDs ready

Clean house and do all washing

Food shop arranged to collect from Tesco

Buy some new Pjs

Buy new knickers /

Buy painkillers

Buy throat lozenges

Buy fruit juices

Check first aid kit – thermometer, antibac wipes etc

On the day 

Get up early

Have a bath and wash hair

Yoga practice and meditation

Put clothes on, jogging bottoms and slip on shoes, warm socks

Check packing lists (overnight case packed just in case, which will be kept in the car) 

Listen to meditation tracks and my favourite music  on my Ipod

Packing List

(my hospital will only allow limited bag space so overnight things will be left in the car. * indicates that I will be taking it with me for the day op)

Ipod/MP3 with music, meditation tracks*

Book/magazine*

Dressing gown and slippers*

Rescue remedy*

Nice PJs

Socks, with loose elastic and slippers*

Overnight bits – underwear, Pjs, eye mask, ear plugs, toothbrush and paste, contact lense stuff, face wipes.

Pillow

Peppermint tea and windease tablets *

Sanitary towels*

Spare knickers

Phone and charger*

Pad and pen (for hubby to write down anything the doctor says)

Food

Water *

Boiled sweets

Lip balm

Mints

Medical paperwork*

Hope this helps someone and feel free to leave a comment with any other ideas you might have x 

Edit: Please see the post operation advice for more useful information xx

Beat the blues: Candle Meditation



The bath is one of the many places that I meditate. We all know that sometimes time runs away and meditation is often one of the first things to be relegated to a tomorrow. So, combining a bath and meditation feels like a good use of time.

 



When I can, I like to run myself a warm bath, not too hot as it sends my heart racing (which I am sure goes against the point of meditation!) and add some bubbles (Organic if possible) I then light my candles.

 

Here is my little collection and the big one has a lovely fresh linen smell.

 

 

 

Carefully, I plug in my earphones into my phone (I don't own an IPod/MP3) and lay back into the bubbles. Now, the candle meditation is perhaps the best bit. All you need to do is download the app onto your phone. The App is called 'Learn to Meditate' which can also be assessed and listened to via the internet. Of all the free meditation apps that I have downloaded this is my favourite. There are 10 different guided meditation sessions and the candle meditation is track 1.

 

 

 

The meditation lasts for about 10-15 minutes and focuses on a candle, which I tend to place in front of me on the edge of the bath. Using your breath you focus on the flame, breathing in its golden, white light and breathing out any darkness that you hold within. After a few minutes, you close your eyes, imagining the candle within your heart.

 

I find the image of the candle rather powerful as to me it represents strength and building my inner strength is something I am particularly focusing on as I prepare for my Laparoscopy and surgery to remove my fallopian tube in a few weeks time.

 

 

 

 

At the end of the meditation you are asked to contemplate the idea that there are candle flames within everyone and every living thing. And that the world is full of billions of little flames; that we are all connected.

 

 Meditation and Mindfulness has helped me to remain compassionate towards other people and although this is not always easy when life seems so unfair at times, the candle image reminds me that everyone, no matter who you are, has struggle in life and to be as kind and compassionate as I possibly can.

 

So, if you're feeling a bit low and rubbishy today, why don't you run that bath, light those candles and slip deep into the bubbles? And while the warm water soothes and cares for you body, you can care of your mind by watching your breath and focusing on the pure white flame that flickers in front of you.

 

 

Go on, treat yourself.

xx



Beat the blues: Walking

We all have those days when the we just can't seem to shake the cloud of worry, anxiety, sadness (insert appropriate rubbishy feeling here) that LTTTC* sometimes brings.

 

I pride myself on trying, and I reiterate trying, to do things that I know will make myself feel better. I know, in my most rational moments, that crying myself to sleep or wallowing in bed all day will not change anything and will probably leave me feeling worse in the long run.

 

Most days in term time I am confined to the four walls of my classroom. By the time I get home it is usually dark and days can got past before I have spent more than ten minutes outside. I am pretty certain that this can make things worse for me so last week I spent as many days as I could out walking and getting some much needed fresh air.

 

On Monday, I peered through the living room window and from indoors the sky looked ominous and didn't seem to hold much promise. I had lots of marking to get through but the prospect of sitting at my table ploughing endlessly through it made me feel angry and fed up. So, thinking about what would make me feel better and being kind to myself,  I doned my wellies, waterproof jacket and walking rucksack and set off through the puddles.

My walk took me across fields and onto a deserted country lane and I ended up at the quaint little pub in the next village. Of course, I had to treat myself to a pub lunch and a coffee and managed to mark far more papers than I would have had I stayed at home. By the time I emerged from the pub the sky had brightened and the sun had made a welcome appearance.

I don't think I can feel happier than when I am breathing in the fresh air, feeling the sun on my skin and taking in the spectacular views around me. As I walked I spotted, what I assume to be, a family of five deer in a field adjacent to the road. I stopped to watch them as they sat happily exposed in the middle of the land, their antlers proudly revealing their positions. And wow, what magnificent animals they are. They spotted me but did not move however I knew that at all times I was being watched in case I posed a threat. As I stood watching them a car past me and I felt sad that the occupants of the car had missed this occasion due to their hurry to be elsewhere. Someone once said to me that slow travel is the best way to travel and, in this case, I could not agree with them more. We miss so much as we rush through our lives and it is important to slow the pace and drink in the small wonders that occur everyday without us even noticing. This is something my mindfulness course is teaching me. Be mindful and live in the moment as much as you possibly can. It is amazing how much more appreciative I have become of the smallest, seeming insignificant, things.

 

 

 

Towards the end of my walk I spotted these delicate snowdrops, the first of the spring, growing in the churchyard across from our house. They can not fail to remind us of the optimism the springtime brings. They have grown and thrived despite the floods. Aren't they just beautiful?

So, if the gloom of Winter is getting you down or you are finding that tests, waiting, uncertainty of LTTTC is getting just too much, don't judge the day from the confines of your house. Get out there. Feel the chill on your skin. Wrap up warm. Breath in spring and marvel in the natural world around you. Be mindful of the moment. Remember to live in the Now.

xx

*LTTTC = Long Term Trying To Concieve